I really really am passionately agitated lately. I mean *facedesk* ...its just hopeless. I've been attemting to start some sort of social connection but all seems to fail. In explanation: The good girls hate the good guys, the bad girls screw over the good guys, the good guys in the end are just f$!#ed...And for the good girls, they either go out with an extreme SOB and fall in love with them, or they end up with a "Win++" guy who is so way up there, that hes like a Huge rock diamond in ontop of dirt (that being average guys). And of course I am the one in the very middle, not only do I see buffed, rugged men getting the girls, but I see slow, drool faced, wife-beater wearing idiots getting girls as well. Even the blasted stay at home, DnD nerds are on it.
/sigh And of course I am the one attracting the type of girls I absolutely do not care for. You know the type that speak thier own langauge, that have kids, that wear tight jeans that ride mid hip, that listen to reggaton and rap...if your guessing ghetto black chicks your sort of right, but really I meant los latinas. I absolutely try to avoid dating my own kind. Due to flaws that I have seen in my father's life, and because I am afraid that one day I will end up being another pissed off spanish dad. And that is not my intended future.
This whole trying to socialize is a bloody waste! I look at the girls of my generation and I almost slightly beg that I turn gay. They lack in self-respect, they follow countless trends, they go out with complete idiots and blame all guys for it (when in truth they made an obvious horrible choice "If it looks like jerk, talks like a jerk and walks like a jerk-it is a Jerk! Not a bloody Prince Charming!! >=O ) Not to mention that some girls believe they can magically change a dirty, bad thug into a proper respectful man-and to that I say "FAIL!" And damn Disney for ever making those stupid unrealistic movies that suddenly drive girls to be stupid! And to continue on: They have horrible taste in music, they get easily attatched to jerks but turn down truthful nice descent men just as easily, they don't think at all about thier future, the good ones are either tooken or gay or mind blind or just very strange to an unapproachable way.
What I wish is for an obsession! I want to go to school, I want to pretend there is no such thing as a social life in the world, I want to become over obsessed with my career path and learn every last bloody thing from it. So please God, contiune cursing me socially so when I step into a bloody classroom all the students will look at me and mark me as the antisocial, stranger, freakish man. So they would do to me as I have experienced all my life and leave me be. Leave me bymyself in lunch rooms, leave me in a by myself in group assignments, and most of all letting them avoid eye contact with me. Because I am quiet, because I don't speak! Because I am self-respecting and turn down all the weed! So that maybe one day...I will be sucessful, not in some blasted Disney movie type of way, but in a "Hey I am still young, I am still single, I am making more then a descent salery, I am doing actual exciting stuff, I am creating amazing projects, I have met amazing well-known people from all over the world, I am wise, I am gentle, I am now powerful, and I am myself" And when that day approaches, when people realize this-I will be nowhere to be found.
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