Its surprising that I can still hold somewhat composure over myself...but thats slowly dying away believe me. I am the most anti-social person I have ever met. So far this year I have not met anyone with little amount of friends as I have. I am alone. And its surprising that I have managed to surpress the thoughts for so long, that I have ignored the thought for so long. Trying to avoid it from surfacing. But even so forth that I have yet to experience depression soon. Is there really something wrong with me? Why is it that my most beloved friends let me down like my value was as good as a street bum?
It haunts me really, how misunderstood I am. To explain this easier, I have not done anything socially for over 8 months, I currently have only 1 friend (those of whom I associate at least a weekly basis) and 0 friends within the floridean area. I hide my mind behind the flushes of alternate reality, being in games and dream. "XD how is it possible to have a sad life AND a crappy gearscore? It should be crappy life and good gearscore, not both!" That statement is true. Its been over 2 years since I've done anything romantically, not to mention before being a flavor of the month for some girl, I had been single 2 years before that. My family is all thats left, but I'm too busy drowning myself. I'm alone and I'm starting to believe that this antisocialness of mine is going to contribute to the slow fading of my rational mind. Especially when your value have been by a good hearted friend whom just thinks your a burden in thier way. My composure is wearing out, so is my mind.
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