And as with all things, all things will fade. Some sooner than later. Once again the whispers are back louder again reminding me of my self-worth, refreshing me as to why I desire the eternal silence, I thought something good would happen but I should of known better. I know my place, I'm not deserving of this happiness for I am a lesser being. The lowly of lowlies, the nothingness, the anomaly that should be rightfully removed....oh how I tempt death, but death craves not for those willing. I am a fool and this is where I belong. Isolated, damaged, and rotted. The torch has yet to be lit but I feel it may come to that...or maybe the bridge will be burned by the hands of another instead. We don't mean that much.
But in the midst of this there is some light, less that too be snuffed away. I am to be an uncle soon, my brother is going to start a family and break away from our curse of dysfunctional families. And I'm happy for him and his wife, I'm glad this has happened and I look forward to being an uncle. Also recently been hired to work within a senior facility, I believe this will be a great opportunity to change my life around a bit, to appreciate life more than to groan on and on about broken hearts. Instead of serving a bunch of one time tourists who I have little care for, I'll be instead serving a small community of elderly spirits who I can have compassion for and respect as they deserve. I'm excited, a prayer has been answered and maybe this will be a stepping stone into an abundant life, I am thankful, I am excited, I am so glad. So while there may be many doubtful thoughts and self-loathing, there are good things happening too and I look forward to them. It's not so dark after all.
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