It seems like within the last month there has been a turn in things. I wished this could of happened last year or even better yet the Junior Year of Highschool. Starting with my acceptance that Columbia Chicago College will have to wait for another-who knows when, years.
Shortly after, out of the knowledge that I will be in Florida much longer then expected (And the bloody dreaful heat down here) I cut my hair right away.
Then I went on to looking into St Pete College and possibly studying in an old time desired careeer in Engineering (towards mechanical). After my mom had broken my arm I have began challenging a great fear of mine- driving. I was terrified for my own life everytime I stood behind the driver seat, afraid that I will either be hit or be the one hitting.
And rescently I have eh forgiven someone who I had greatly hated passionately for the last year (6 years of being bestfriends, betrayed for thier new friend). And I have decided to go back to pursuing a Godly way, to avoid spitting back to the faces of those who did me wrong but instead to wipe off the spit, keep a straight face and continue walking foward. Ignoring the hateful remarks said to me but not ignoring the voice of God's Spirit.
It is tough because I still feel like the world wants to look down on me, and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed to just scream and knock things over. But I will take to knowledge and in my own doings put Christ as my priority. And I will try as much as an effort as I can to put away the old me, and to go with the Christ. Maybe then the residue of the bitterness will finally be gone. Maybe all grudges will be in a sea of forgetfulness. I am changing, I am walking, and I hope the day comes when I will not feel self righteous over the title of being called a Christian nor that I would feel shameful for such an undeserved title. Maybe one day I will smile because I know Christ knows me. And that my heart has fully surrender to His will.
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