Thursday, October 9th 2014

Mornings,
I really dislike mornings while I find myself enticed by dreams and disillusions.
All that I ask for in my pursuit of happiness is for a reason to wake up each day,
A reason to anticipate another day, to look forward to sunrises
Something to push me forward each day, something to drive me on

But yet in this current state I'd rather skip mornings,
Skip the boring part of the day, wait until evening when the the sun has finally set
It's not that I'm gloomy, I'm just dull and comfortable with no light

All I ask is for a reason to wake up each day
And if that's too much of a request to those dwelling in the heavens
Then just send a car wreck my way
Put me into heavily induced coma...
...and rest.

October 1st, 2014: Fishing

With a resume attached to the hook as my bait

I wait patiently, waiting for just the slightest movement 

from the fishing bauble 

For just the slightest tug...

Sometimes I wait days, weeks, and even months with no bite

I reel the line and cast again

Sometimes to a different location

A different position

A different field of job

Still no success

There was one to bite,  but unfortunately the catch slipped away

Unqualified to wash dishes? Unqualified to work an entry level job?

 

A descent man, a hard worker, an organized individual

An experienced worker, a perfectionist, flexible

A team player, a positive emitting employee

With so much loyalty that I induce myself with disillusions 

So much untapped potential

And here I wait for another bite, to reel in opportunity.

"Just fucking bite already!" I scream to the many fishes below

Tempted to jump into the water myself.

Yet I sit here waiting with what little time I have left

Soon it will be dark, soon I will grow weary, soon I will be starving 

With a resume attached to the hook as my bait

I cast the line again.

Tuesday September 30th, 2014

I look to the left, I see negativity.
I look to the right, more negativity.
I look to the world, and what awaited me was great negativity.
I look within myself, and find my heart has grown cold and negative.
In such a world it's induced with negativity, why do we reject goodness?
Why do we prefer the flavors of bitterness and hatred? Of apathy and void?
The idea of God, the idea of eternity in peace, of happiness, of hope, of a meaningful life and of love...all rejected, all thrown away.
Why have we done this to ourselves?
Why can't we allow a light to shine without trying to cover it?

August 21st, 2014: A return and many goodbyes.

It has been awhile and by awhile I mean years since I've last visited this webpage, even more since I last posted. Not sure what happened there or why I suddenly stopped. It served as a way to channel thoughts and emotions, I suppose now I'm needing that again. Since then there has been a lot of changes...and constants, to fast forward a bit from that past--> after several crushed and broken dreams later I find myself working within a Sushi joint as a Dishwasher and Delivery driver, moved back to Tampa after almost living a year within St. Pete all so I could live closer to family. In all honesty I was making much more at my old job but it cost me the time with family, sometimes months would pass before I could see them again all because they scheduled me too many hours. So it's lesser pay here but far more better working environment, our customers are locals and regulars instead of the 1-a year tourists as was in my old job, it's not as terribly busy, a private owned restaurant with a small kitchen and dining room. It's a great working environment, at least how I'm perceiving it for now. I really can't afford to think differently of it as it's my only source of income. And that's where I currently am.

Today was eventful, in that we were busy, a lot of things happened that caused immediate changes and my faith within work to be 'questioned.' I believe two of our servers got fired both whom I enjoyed dearly, they were sweet hearts. But I think I'm cursed, as silly as it may sound it seems that every time I find myself either attracted or developing a crush for another associate- they either get fired or quit. And I have nothing to do with it as I am a very passive coworker, minding my business and focusing on getting the job done but they just keep leaving. This is the 6th time this has happened, and just when I was looking forward to another workday with them just to have the pleasure in being in their company- voosh- they're gone. I think God hates me. -sigh-